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19 February 2009 @ 11:46 pm
I got this from Victor's blog. He found this website: http://www.sleeptrip.com/belongings/index.html

The main site is this: http://www.sleeptrip.com/

Belongings is just one of her projects. It's really pretty and simplistic. In belongings, each picture you click leads you to a short muse about love and then when you click next, there will will be a 'couple' pairing. Once you click the picture of the couple, there will be a story of love on the different characters.

Two musings (not part of the story) really spoke to me. I think its very apt in describing how I feel. She writes beautifully. She said everything that I myself can't put into words. I was feeling this when I wrote the blog entries: mourning to songs of praises and enlightenment. Whatever I put into words in those entries really puts me to shame when she can accurately describe exactly how I feel.

Only a person who has fallen in love and moved on could have written this.

On a side note, in my honest opinion, I think its quite impossible to fall in love with someone unless you are in a relationship with that person/it was complicated. No matter how much that person claimed he/she was in love... when they're not in that status, I think the person has mistaken his/her feelings. It was probably deep liking. Being with someone is very different from just liking a person. You see the person's weaknesses and strengths in ways he/she will never reveal to another person. You come to know that person at such a deep emotional level n you accept him/her. And you respond to that and the person responds back. The r/s grows. That's love. I just thought about this cuz I remembered when I was 19, a freshman, my senior told me he loved me. He admitted this after he told me he hated me cuz I treated him coldly as i was attached that time. He was also the first and only person who told me he hated me. For someone who was 26 at that time, that was quite immature. Thank goodness after 2 months of cold war, our friendship was back the way it was.

1) There is only one way to really get over someone who you have been in love with, and that is to become another person. This is really the only reason why people fall out of love with each other. The fights, and tantrums, the small and big flaws (she makes that noise when she chews, he has no ambition) are never enough to really make you fall out of love. Feel betrayed, or irritated or angry, yes. But falling out of love requires shift of perspective, and thus, shift of desire. Like looking at an old shirt and thinking, 'God, how could I have ever thought that was cool?" Sometimes we do it together, each person growing and changing till you turn around and look at each other and know that's it, except for nostalgia. Sometimes it happens while you are still together, whether you want it to or not, and it hurts like hell, wishing you were still capable of being that person you used to be, the one who fell in love, the one your lover fell in love with. Sometimes it doesn't happen till a long, long time afterwards, and there is still the three-in-the-morning ache, the in-jokes with their pointed poignancy, the missing.

We are like jigsaw puzzle pieces made out of modeling clay, firm and fixed in our outlines as long as we fit together, variable lumps otherwise. You reshape your edges and become something new, a tab where there used to be a hole, straight where you were once curved, and everything changes.

2) Sometimes things fall apart for what seems to be no reason at all. Not enough attention to detail, or the wrong inflection on a joke and suddenly the closeness is gone. Some part of your nature, lying long dormant, exerts itself, needs to be expressed, cannot be expressed within the confines of your relationship.

It's hard to remember in these moments the perfection of the thing you are leaving behind like an old cocoon, the way you once looked at someone and your heart ached and you thought you would never ever be this happy again, as long as you lived. It's hard to acknowledge both of these realities at once.

I can remember breaking up with him. The feeling one night that I could not bear it, I was going to cry forever, I would never be whole again. All the melodramatic sentiment in the world was suddenly and disgustingly real for me.

And then what?

Of course I stopped crying, of course I could bear it. But was I ever whole again? No, not really, not that me. There were never the same jokes, the same understandings, the same magic. No one would ever fit me exactly the way he had.

So: new jokes, new understandings, new magic. A new boyfriend with whom I discussed the transcendent instead of making fun of it.

The next time we saw each other we were both disappointed. He wasn't who I remembered. And I wasn't who he remembered. How could we be?

There was no us anymore.

Below are 3 that made me think... whether does it reflect myself.

1. Rebound: that's the word for it, but sometimes you pick someone for your rebound that is a little too compatible, and then you are stuck. Your 'fling' turns into a full-blown relationship, and you are in love, all over again, except with all the baggage of not quite being over the last one, and not quite being ready for this new one, and hey, weren't you supposed to spend sometime alone, you know, really getting to know yourself and re-establishing your autonomy so that you wouldn't just make the same mistakes again?

2. We stumble around, make mistakes, hurt each other terribly, and grow older.

3. Some people tell it like you just finally find "the one." And some people say it's just work, you pick someone and they pick you and with a little work and a little luck, it works out. Some people say, "I wasn't ready till now, I had to grow," and some people say, "I was waiting for you my whole life." Romantic love contains within it the idea of knowing, and thus, for some of us, requires a leap of faith. I think you change, and keep changing, all the time. And if you find "the one", it must be that you've changed in some way that has made that possible. You've found someone with whom that particular part of you emerges, the part of you that can imagine one person, forever.

Can you remember all the other people you used to be?

And the author's note at the end:

So what does it all mean in the end? We love each other, and break it and somehow have the courage to start all over again. And every time, it's something entirely new. And every time, you are a completely new person.

We all have our unique connections, the places where each of us overlap, the spaces where desire can take hold, the emptiness where resentment can fester.

And in the end, I am still blown away, by everyone, all their crazy and beautiful love affairs, and the specificity of two people fitting together at all, and the wonder of being able to do it more than once, and in completely new ways.

In the end, we still mean it.

And that's enough, isn't it?

I have 3 assignments due tmr and I'm still here. Typical. LOL
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative